My theme for thought

So I don't want anyone to think this is a pitty party going on. I must say though...I have had so much change in the past few months. My Nana recently went into the hospital. Now remind you she has been to the hospital 10 times, and any of those times they did not admit her. It basically took begging and pleading to get her the care she needs. So for awhile she was in St Joes...and then before you know it she is in "rehab" but see the thing is..I know how that place works because I have worked there many many years ago as a cna. There quality of care is great but there work ethic sucks. So not only that which has been on my mind so much is that a dear friend of mine passed away. We both were in the same class AND we also partied together at the barn yard quit a few times. A friend and him were on essex st in Bangor and they were going really fast around a turn that he lived on going 80 around this corner...so what caused this accident. My fiance's ex girlfriend (they remain friends and I'm okay with that) good friend (now become my good friend too) and she needs a new liver. She is sick..and now she needs a new liver. She has to go through all these test to make sure she can get this liver. BUT her biggest problem is that she is bulimic. That is not the cause of the problem though, she has a  disease and they lost her liver biopsy..So we go there to visit with her. I feel like my life is sad...I don't normally complain or write about this. I usually write  a poem. Right now fuck a poem. I'm telling ya'll how I really feel.  My friends have basically not been there for me since I started dating Megan which was over two years ago. There are maybe one or two maybe 3 people. The people who matter a lot...except this one girl. She has been my bestfriend since HS and it really makes me upset because the last time I saw her was at Rene's funeral. She told me she isn't ever letting anything between her and her friends..now its a big deal I'm 25 so it's been years and we have always been my best friend even when it hurt me. Her daughter is like a niece to me- and she finds it a burden for me to watch her and thats all I could ever ask  for.  She tells me she is to busy for me but then she tells me she is driving around drinking with her friends and I think "you don't have time for me because of this" I love her but it hurts so much to love her. You know I just wish right now I had a friend to talk to who was bias to things going on in my life now and be able to just have a shoulder. Everyone has kids and are either married or have been or they are. Please let me remind you my relationship with Megan and my parents are great- I just wish my friends would act like friennds...I never say anything but "why don't you have time for me" It makes me so angry when you are driving around drunk when you have a daughter that could lose her mother and ends up with an asshole for a father..I would hate to see that- and I really mean that. Another friend has moved away who keeps in contact with me, but I miss her. Straight up. We have gone through thick and thin together. She is my bestfriend and I love her so much and I just wish she was around still...then my other best friend..doesn't live close...has a child....and is my ex's sister. So basically she has the right to be my friend because I met her before her brother. Ugh I am just so fustrated!! I do everything for my friends and where are they when I need them!