Things are not always as they seem

Assumptions are made for hypocrites. Even the people I hold dearest in my life sometimes I believe have yet to know the real me. On the outside, I might look just fine, and act happy. Really though from my crohn's I feel so sick all the time. I feel like I am on a constant battle with people in my life because I am not as they would say "used to be". I used to be a hard working like 3 jobs and go to school full time. But you know what, that became to hard for me, and I couldn't reach my goals. I needed a break, so I took one. I have been sick for years now with my stomach problems and just because it doesn't show on the outside, well there must be nothing wrong. I really really wish I wasn't sick, and that I didn't feel the way I do all the time. But doesn't it make sense to better yourself so that in the end what you do is successful ? I have so many things in life that I want to accomplish but crohn's is so debilitating. I feel horrible all the time not just physically but mentally as well. I'm depressed because everyone keeps telling me to "go find a job" "go back to school" go do this, go do that. Well walk in my shoes on a bad day and tell me if you feel like finding a job. I never know when it's going to be a good day. For 2 weeks straight I have been sick, straight out. Today I had a little more energy because I woke up in the morning time. That's another thing all together my sleeping habits. I did 3 loads of laundry. It was a really hot day outside and I put out 3 loads and took 2 loads in before that. That is a lot of work when you don't feel good. It had to be done though, and it's not even over. We just got a used washer from my dad's friend and it works so much better then the one we used to have. Which just sits outside and will rust. Maybe I wouldn't have anxiety and depression if my crohns was a little more in control of itself. I am trying, I am going back to school this fall if everything falls in place. I am signed up for a few classes but now it's out of my control whether or not they fix my fin aid. Life is one constant battle, if it's not one thing, its another. I would really love to go back to working with children again because they make me so happy, but I want to feel better first. Life is a struggle..I'm always struggling and nothing ever comes easy. I hate when things are just given to people when I have to try my hardest to get anywhere in life. I'm always the one rooting people on and giving them advice..I love people with every inch of my heart..I wish someone would root for me, or maybe just even understand.